playing doctor still... and mom..

layla is slowly i think starting to feel better, she still only really walks to use the bathroom.  she wont jump up on the couch but she will jump down.  she is still eating and drinking.  called the vet today with her update.  she said she could give me a narcotic but she wants to wait one more day..  the vet knows how my ocd is and how paranoid i am.  she said that the narcotic will make layla more sleepy and out of it then what she is and that i will hover over her and i need my sleep too.  damn her. LOL..  but today has been progress.   i am still carrying her food and water to her and holding it while she eats or drinks.  my mom thinks she is milking it some from me.  i dont care.  either way shes my baby and i want her better.  josh was upstairs putting clothes away and i was down in the basement trying to finish up some laundry and checking my mail on here since its my new mission to stay updated on it for sanity purposes :)  and low and behold i heard this little thump and it was her/  she jumped off the couch and walked down the stairs to me.  slowly her back end slowly would come down.  i went to grab her because she shouldnt be doing stairs but maybe she needed to try.  she walked down went to her food bowl and wanted more food.  so she ate some more and now she is laying on some laundry i need to wash lol i dont want to move her.  she seems more alert today she only shook about 30 minutes if that josh said earlier.  im going to take what i can get.  im one happy momma right now...

on the baby inside update.. havent felt miss emma much today i know shes in there.  i get paranoid with her too.  i cant win.  i worry way too much.. the weekend was ok considering i was on call.. i still feel lazy and huge.  :)  the joys of pregnancy wooop woop
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    good good


How do i keep forgetting my sign on name.  Talk about placenta brain.  So much.  I'm sorry.  I want to have time for this and I do.  I just am lazy i suppose or I dont think about it.  Then when i do, i just oh well i dont know.

Lets see, my poor Layla (my dog)  she is 7.  So much is going on with her right now.  She is known to get ear infections because of the floppy ears.  No biggie.  Took her to the vet this past Tuesday.  They were pretty bad.  I didnt realize how bad they were, so you can imagine how bad i felt and how upset i got.  298 dollars later we got Steroids (pills) and 2 different types of cleaners to actually put in her ears.  2 days later.. it was bed time i noticed she started shaking.  Not seizure shaking, shaking like she was cold.  It scared me, it was already 12, way past my bed time..  But pregnant people dont sleep i have learned.  THANK YOU RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME.  Anyhow, i picked her up and sat her down on the floor.  (ive been sleeping on the couch.  I have more room then i do in my bed.  Plus, i dont want to keep Josh up and i just need my space.  Layla wouldnt go up the stairs.  Josh heard me saying her name in panic and opened the bedroom door and tried calling her and she just looked at him.  So i carried her upstairs, he stayed up all night with her.  He said she didnt sleep.  So 7 am when i got up for work i called the vet told them she was shaking and just didnt seem like herself and they said i could bring her in.  We have been taking our pets there for 20 plus years...  So i needed to go to work, we already had 2 girls out so i called my mom she was off for good friday and she took her.  They told my mom that Predisone (steroid) can make dogs a little out of it and not seem like theirself.  Thats fine and dandy.. But something is wrong.  They told my mom instead of a whole pill do half a pill.  Mom brought her back home and she picked her up and laid her on the couch.  Josh called me around 330 at work and said Layla hadnt moved from the couch all day, she wouldnt eat or drink and she started shaking again.. Now im worried all upset.  I left work.. Called the vet they said to bring her back in.  Well thank you for me having the weird dog.  Layla can not get Rabies or Parvo shots.  When i took her when she was a pup she had an adverse reaction and went into shock.. YUP... I cant win with her.  So no dog partks for us and i have to be careful when i walk her and the only dog she is allowed around is my parents because their dog is up to date with everything.  So... im thinking maybe Layla is having a reaction to the steroid all together not that its too much just she cant have it.  I take her last night back to the vets.  3 hours later and a bill of 598.00.  We have established the following.  I wanted an xray.. Shes a jumper..  Welp, the xray showed her back discs were irriatated and close to her spine or something.  Cant remember the exact words.  But i saw the xray and it wasnt like they could lie about it... The compared it to her other discs.  So she has irritated her back somewhere.  Wether, its her jumping, or running up and down the stairs... The past few weeks i have noticed she would come down the stairs odd but shes odd sometimes period. LOL..  And she had a slight UTI.  They vet offered at no charge THANK YOU HEAVEN to keep her over night last night and give her a shot of morphine to help her sleep some and keep an eye on her and let me sleep some which i still didnt i slept with one of her stuffed animals... how pathetic i know.. shes my baby. So now we are on an antibiotic for the UTI.. a pain pill for her back.. and her 2 things for her ear still.. She has only had a shaking episode twice today.. I lift her up for stairs.  She still is walking slow and looks like she is in pain some or just aggervated.  But no where as bad as yesterday.  She looked to sad yesterday..

Sorry for the long rant.  I dont know who will even read this anymore..

Now onto me.  I HAVE EIGHT WEEKS LEFT COME THIS MONDAY.. EIGHT BEFORE THIS BABY COMES OUT.. I have lots to update on that part.. I plan to write about it.. :)  So i can come back and read about it. 

Im going to read up some on everyones stuff. and monitor over layla...

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    blah blah

a little different this time around.

I couldnt remember my log on or password to get on here.  I would try once in a while and mess with it and i just couldnt figure it out.  Lucky for me i got a 31st soon to be birthday reminder in my work email this morning.  Woo Hoo for the over thirty club finally.

A lot has happened in my life actually, i went and got myself pregnant.  Well not all by myself.  Even though Josh says its all my fault and i did this just to sound like a pain in the ass.. LOL  I am proudly sitting here typing this while being 18 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  I have had 2 sonograms one at 7 weeks and one at 13 weeks.  The one at 13 actually looks like a baby even though its head is really big in the picture thats normal from what im told.  Let me go back to the start of things so i can get everyone up to speed and so i can come back to read this and remember how this all went down.

In September, the second week of September, Josh broke up with me.  ME?!?! Here is it my best freaking friend was walking on out taking the easy road.  We were at a Baltimore Ravens Kick Off Party for the start of football season, drinking was involved i suppose i got one of my little attitudes.  Yada, Yada.  Sometimes when i drink a lot i tend to think i dont need anyone except myself and i make that known.  So again one of my little dark demons i need to take care of.  He finally got tired of it and when we got home he packed up his stuff and moved out all at 2AM let me add when i add work the next day and started to sober up on what was going on.  It wasnt good.  So the next week or two we talked every day, he told me the problems he had with my attitude and i agree i do have a massive attitude problem but i can also be really awesome too.  LOL  We were working on things.  The following week he had got tickets for us to go to the Capitals Ice Hockey Game.  It was fun, i drank beer without getting mean.  It was progress.  Then of course he took me home, he game in, things happened and BAM here i am pregnant.  LOL  I never thought id be one of "those" girls who actually think "my baby happened for a reason"  but hear me out.  This may be "TMI"  but its my journal so back off :)  For the past 3 1/2 years i have only been with Joshua.  For the past 3 1/2 years the first 3-5 months of those 3 1/2 years condoms were used.  For the rest of the time nothing was used besides pulling out.  So in all honesty im pretty surprised it didnt happen in the 3 years of no protection what so ever.  Maybe it was gods sick little way of telling me to man up finally.  I dont know.  I remember the day i found out, it was a Wednesday, went to work, went to my moms, had a heated conversation about Joshua and where i wanted our relationship to go with my mother which pissed me off came home because i was on call with work that week and my boobs hurt so bad.  so i thought back and said to myself NO WAY but said ehh why not so i ran and got a test i was due to my period that friday and low and behold..  A positive showed up.  I started shaking so many thoughts were going thru my head.  Like why now is this happening, were broken up, working on things, im working on my attitude and so on WHY!?!?!  So when he called i told him.. first words out of his mouth were, "ok, were going to get thru this."  He's always so positive and i always think the worst.  He didnt want to tell either sets of parents until we went to the doctor to clarify, i agreed but i secretly told my mom i had too.  Its my mom!  So we went to the doctors everything looked as good as it could at 7 weeks so we told the parents that day.  His parents and mine are so excited.  Esp, with us being only children its the first grandchild.   Everyone is so excited and happy for us, Family and Friends.  We couldnt have a better support system.   The first 3 months i thought i was going to die no joke.  I got sick about 7 to 10 times a day i would eat then i would get sick, then even if i didnt eat i would get sick.  I cried every night to Josh and said i didnt think i could do this.  I pulled thru or so i like to think.  I still get sick now but just as soon as i wake up because i dont have anything in my stomach really.  Josh goes to every appointment with me.  He's been great.  We had our big sonogram this thursday to check all the organs and such a long with hopefully finding out if its a boy or girl.  Its the best birthday present i could possibly have.  I just hope everything is ok.  Ive only gained about 8 pounds and my stomach hasnt "popped" out yet but since its my first baby everyone says thats normal i am pretty average size. 

I plan on writing a lot more here again because i dont do much besides, eat, sleep, clean and watch tv and of course my new prenatal workout 3 times a week for 30 minutes LOL.

I hope everyone is well..

  • Current Mood

bitch rant per say...

as i sit here and watch last weeks greys, eat dark choc reese cups (which r my new fav)....  valentines day was nice.  josh is on call this week which blows.  he is already going to be late tonight due to a nebulizer he needs to deliver.  i havent even started dinner yet.  we exchanged gifts last night, he got me my ed hardy perfume, the dark purple one since i busted my other one 3 months ago.  i have all 3 but that one is my favorite.  he also got me the board game "mouse trap" heheh dont laugh.  we have it for the wii and i made the comment that i never had that.  we played it last night while watching the grammys and i won.. woop woop.  and he also got me monkey slippers :)  love monkey stuff. 

my dryer went up last thursday on cleaning night and instead of replacing it over the weekend with an extra one my parents had i said i would do it during the week this week.  so i took my towels which i had left over my friends house and i hate her washer, i can only put 5 or 6 towels in there when mine i can put 10 or 13.  so i was there for 3 hours tonight. 

so... why i havent posted much during the day.  so friday we all get pulled in at work and were told the following.  we can not have our cell phones out on our desk at all anymore, we can not even be a minute late in the morning and we cant be on the net or read books when we have down time at work.  R U FUCKING KIDDING ME.  i am so tired for getting things taken away from me for other people abusing them.  i do my usual celebrity gossip reading and my lj which i only have 5 or so friends on here and read their posts and write one for me just about.  i always get my work done, never have been written up in the 6 years i have been there.  so really THANK YOU CUNT FUCKS.  can you tell im pissed about it still and not handling it well.  anyhow, it gets better.  we were told if we got caught doing any of these things we would be told to leave for the day without pay and would be written up the following day.  so this morning one jerk ass came in 4 minutes past her time (i have nothing better to do now but pay attention to everyone elses fuck ups and stare into space)  and she was texting until my team leader got in (which i would say i am friends with) or close to.. i have watched her kids, been to her house ect...  so she goes to let the branch manager know this is going on and asks if she is to send this girl home and he says he doesnt know.. R U SERIOUS.  i told my team leader flat out no wonder no one takes shit seriously because they never follow thru with shit.  ugh i hate it.  i want a new job.  i feel so stuck.  i know i would not find a job making what i make.  i have been in this business for 10 years that i have exp and it has helped me so much.  i cant take a pay cut.  then i could go back to school for resp therapy, and work would pay for it since i could work there in that position.  but that would take 2 years plus and thats 2 years i dont know if i want to do at my age.  (hahah i know, im so old now a days)  im lost im at a crossroad.  maybe what i could at least do is start a resume... i dont even know where my old one is from being where i am so long and i was content and happy.  i didnt think i would need it... foolish i know.

pain. i think

is it pathetic that im sitting here watching the bad girls club, that i personally dvr'd?  yeah, whatever i like it so hush. 

my tooth still hurts.  only when i eat or drink.  no pain when i just breathe.  i like food, NO! change that i love food.  toast hurt today because it was crunchy.  my friend brought me in tofu manicotti (sp) i put it in my mouth and tried to chew on my left side the best i could.  for dinner its oodles and noodles, while josh will eat his steak.. JERK.  hehe.

the dentist didnt see a crack in the cavity or infection.  i get that its just sensitive?! umm really.  why wasnt it sensitive a month ago when you filled it?  oh let me guess it took time to take effect.  whatever.  i go back in 2 weeks so while i will be standing there probably 100 pounds by then, i am going to tell them the update and if there is still pain they are going to do something.  they made the comment about taking the filling out and doing another one.  so we shall see.  of course my ocd is acting up and i think i have tooth cancer and i am determined that the mini headache on the right side of my head is due to this tooth and some unknown disease i now have.  see how the ocd takes over only with my health.  i hate it.

on a more bitchier note.  not like thats a word..ha.. but the redbox isnt reading my bank card so josh now has redbox duty on his way home on tuesdays.  tonight is life happens or whatever with katherine heigl.  i like her shut up.  a lot of people dont.  shes never back stabbed me or took a boyfriend from me so she is ok in my book.

layla must have had a long day she is just crashed on the couch.  i managed to get on the treadmill for a half hour.  i figured with not eating much and sitting on the couch watching my shows i need to do something.

im inpatiently now sitting here waiting for one tree hill to come on.  yes i know gay.  i have watched it since day one.  i feel like i have grown with the characters.  let me live in the bubble of north carolina.. 

i was having a hard time deciding on what to get j for valentines day.  i decided on an outfit and some cologne.  its orginal but i really am not in the mood to make something unique or bake something cute.  its probably the tooth talking.  but i think thats fair.  he will like it.  he likes anything. 

5 more minutes.  yay!!!

hello monday.

lets see here.  my weekend of on call sucked ass pretty much.  i dont know any other way to explain it.  friday night was bull crap.  josh and pam ended up talking me into go out for awhile.  it was ok.  nice to get out for awhile i guess.  saturday i was up early and cleaning and of course working everytime i got into something the damn nextel would go off.  i did catch up on my dvr though.  so i was happy about that.  i made a joe corbis pizza and vegged on the couch.  yesterday, i finished cleaning and made some strawberry squares to take over chris and heathers for the super bowl and i only had got 5 or 6 calls yesterday. 

totally random but.. i go to eat my cereal this morning and my tooth burns OMG does it burn.  Its where i got my newest cavity filled about a month ago.  Its the white stuff too not the silver.  Its my first white one and apparently they arent doing the silver anymore because of the mecury idk.. more on this pain.. so i thought it was maybe just he cinnomon.  UMM no.. i go to drink my green tea and guess what BURNS.  i am trying to look to see if the cavity fell out but it doesnt look like it.  I dont go again until the first weekend of march.  I am trying to hold off because i dont want to use any vacation time to go to the dentist and saturday hours are so hard to get.  i sound like a cry baby.  but.. please understand i never had cavitys until this past year and i have 5 in a year or was told that.. i turned 29 and it was hey you have cavitys.  wow. nice.  i have good teeth well i did.  and i dont deal with mouth pain at all.  well i dont deal with any pain at all.. lol but this is messing with my food and well I LOVE FOOD!!

so i called the dentist they are going to see me today at 245.. dont think work is too happy.. but what can ya do.. seriously i am always here. 

oh happy day.

lets see. 
we didnt get the ice storm that they said we were going to get.. SHOCKER.
we have missed every storm they said was coming this way.
guess it makes up for the 3 blizzards last year that only happens every 20 years. 
i still would like a snow day dammit, is that too much to ask for ?!?
it's cold in the office today, i dont like it, my hands are cold.  i am about to put my gloves on.
i got no calls last night with being on call.. YAY.
i was bored and Josh suggested that i try my new game mom and dad got me for the kinect.  "dance central"
i swear, i can not dance for the life of me.  i have no coordination.
however.. i am so sore today, so i think i will start using it as exercise. :-)
i made pork chops last night, a new recipe with nutmeg and pineapple. i didnt really care for it.  Josh said it was ok.
tonight, i am making spinach lasagna.  i hope its good.  i love spinach.  :)  makes me happy.
josh doesnt care for it, BUT.. i won him over with it because it has cheese in it.  so hopefully it turns out.
i have to take heather on our weekly walmart run, she still doesnt have a car yet.  i dont mind since she lives 4 minutes from me if that, but i like to go home after work and just plop my lazy ass down.  when the weather is like this i have no motivation.
so after walmart, im going to play some of my game and start dinner.
Josh took vacation days for thur and friday, hes aunt owns a big florist and for the past 4 years i have known him he goes in and works with her. 
they get a big shipment of roses and unload them and individually wrap them for stores all over the U.S.
he has to get up at 4am.. hahah big difference then 10am.  hes going to hate life.
but on a happy note i will see him when i get off at 5 instead of his usual 10. 
so we just found out our supervisor resp therapist passed away.
jan 2nd he was at work and had a stroke, he was in a coma for a week it was really bad for awhile, then 2 weeks ago then moved him to a rehab facility.
he had been doing great he was about 350 pds and lost 85 pounds, he was able to move his arms and they put a new trach in and he started to talk, he also took 3 steps yesterday.
his wife called in frantic a little while ago and said he went into cardiac arrest, and died.
i feel so bad for his daughter she is 14.  and she reminds me so much of me.
shes always with him, she would rather watch football with her dad then go shopping with her mom, plays softball ect..
her dad is her best friend.
and thats how i was/am with my dad.
hes the man of my world besdies josh lol
i couldnt imagine what its like to not have my father in my life.
ugh.. just sucks.
so work is all quiet now and all u hear is my loud typing due to me not getting a fill in on my nails and being a month behind these babies are long. 
i think im going to read one of my sookie stackhouse books i have been slacking on them and only have about 4 more to go.
hope all is well is LJ world. :)
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    content content

no rain, sleet or snow.

eat that you weather people.  so i wake up to nothing just about.  boo.  i want one good snow, sleet whatever to have just one day off, ONE.  then again i am on call this week so i would have been the one to take calls all day since i have the laptop ect...   i feel like i am living in seattle.  i havent seen the sun in weeks.  i think i am getting that depressed winter thing that some people have.  i just never feel like really doing anything anymore.  or.. it could be the age of 30.  heheh just kidding. 

so last night i managed to get my vitamins i needed that i ran out of, stopped at my parents, went to the grocery store which was a mad house since we were told we were getting bad weather.  i straigtened up a little.  folded the towels and took them out of the dryer.  however, i didnt put them away yet they are still sitting in the basement... woops, made dinner.  which was left over chicken with wine and cream of mushroom and then josh came home and we watched repo man.  very weird movie might i add.

yay. monday.. GAG.

lets see.  saturday, we got up early and we drive an hour away and went to sandy point because Josh had enrolled himself into the Polar Bear Plunge.  Its where people of all ages decide to raise money for the Special Oly and jump into the cold ass bay..  The water was 28 degrees and the beach has snow on it.  It was an all day event.  They did have tents set up with food and vendors of all sorts.  My guilty pleasure would be that YES.. PAULY D was there to DJ FROM.  1230-4.  ::sighs::  I would never admit to the outside world i was so giddy about this.  I pushed my way up front with Josh's cousin who is 18.  I felt like i was at a Backstreet Boys concert.  Those girls were insane, while i kept my composure.  I took lots of pictures and fist pumped with the rest of them for a few minutes, then i had to go cause Josh's jump time was set for 1.  This was the first year in 15 years they did not allow alcohol.  Blah. :(  Apparently, hypotherma (sp) is even worse when you have alcohol in your body.  Go figure.  So Josh went into the mens tent to change.  I was waiting on the outside with his mom, aunt, uncle and cousin.  And yes.. here comes my other half in nothing but swimming trunks, old new balance shoes, a wool hat and yes a SUPERMAN CAPE.  Josh loves superman.  I had no idea he was going to do that or grabbed his cape.  Some girl next to me was laughing, i turned to her and said YES I CLAIM HIM, HES MINE.  It was for a good cause and trust me with what he wore was minor compared to some skank wads who thought it was cute to wear uggs and bikini's.  ok really.. its flurrying outside and about 20 some degrees.  GET REAL.  All in all it was fun.  They were fiving out free monsters all day, i drank 3.  I never had a monster before i usually stick to red bull and seldom if that because it makes me feel bloated.  heheh sorry.  tmi i know.  but again my journal, my thoughts.  lol :)  we went back to his moms and had pizza and beer.  my FAV.  and i passed out on the couch for 2 hours hehe i was beat.  then i woke up and josh his mom and i played dance central on the wii. 

im going to jump way off topic here and tell you i have a new neighbor and i DONT LIKE HER.  she parks way to close to my car and i hate it, she does not parallel park she is pulling right in and not adjusting.  she irks me.  then she finds the need to build things at 12-1 am while im trying to sleep.  all she has to do it hti mycar and my dads going to flip.  i just dont want to hear him bitch.  my dad is so car addicted.  he gets my car every weekend n washes it.  he just loves car and takes pride in our vechiles. 

Yesterday, was my last bday celebration.  It was dinner with mom, dad and Josh.  Went to dinner then went to coldstone then i got sick cause i ate to much ice cream lol.  i may eat ice cream once every 4 months.  and i passed out while watching the pro bowl at 9ish.

They are calling for an ice storm tonight and to go into 2morrow afternoon.  YAY.  im not happy at all.  I have to run and get my vitamins, i ran out of my ones then to moms real quick and to the grocery store and a quick red box stop.  Oh and did i add im on call all this week and weekend so i am extra irritated i hate being on call its a pain.  :(

Mostly a bitch fest, post.

apologize now if this post is random bull shit.  i am massively pms_ing, or so i like to believe so yeah... lets see.. birthday night was AHHHMAZING..  Turning 30 was a complete blast, there was no drama everyone got along.  It was awesome.  I cant even describe it, everyone had that much fun.  And, i am not just saying that because i woke up to texts sunday saying just how much fun everyone had.  The only bad thing was i lost my new necklace my parents gave me for my Birthday.  It was long and Josh had picked me up and i remember tilting my head all the way back and i think it came off it was long.  Semi long.  I feel bad, i wasnt going to tell my mom but i did.  Since she buys 98% of my real jewelry she would ask one day why i havent worn it.  My mother loves her jewelry and loves buying it.  She handled it well so well she went on QVC to order me another one and yes.. THEY WERE OUT OF STOCK.. So thats right.. Now we wait. 

So Sunday, i just laid around.  I was so sore.  Monday came to work then I went to Olive Garden with my 2 friends from work, some fat ass hit my car door while getting out of his car while i was sitting in mine.  I flipped.  My dad and i both take good care of my car, the guy said sorry there is a little nick on the door i havent told dad yet i know he will see it when he cleans it.  :( and of course it will be my fault.. anyhow.

Last night i left work, ran over moms, tried to attempt to do some laundry, made Chicken parm for the first time.  not to bad either. and josh and i watched Takers.

Then it decided to snow this morning i shouldnt had drove but i did,  i was impatient and wasnt waiting on dad.  again he yelled me me driving., snow and low profile tires dont mix i was all over the place. heheh.. then i get to work and im pissed cause the parking lot wasnt plowed and my ground effects are too long the snow would have got on top of it and weighed it down and they could break so i parked on the street and walked.  then i go to get my spray butter for my toast and somone used all my effin spray butter and put it back empty.  i flipped.  my name is on it.  hey you want to use it, fine ask.  you use it all ok.. TELL ME.. oh no.. just sitting there empty.. i walked out of the lunch room and said the next person who touches anything of mine in that fridge with my name on it, i will cut their throat.  OK SO I KNOW thats a little pyscho but again.. PMS_ING. i was pissed.  i wanted my spray butter.  Im just irriatated..